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Her Omega (Re-Wrote)

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  • Her Omega (Re-Wrote)

    I went over and changed a lot of this poem, I felt a lot of it had extremely bad structure, to the point that you could hardly tell it even rhymed. I hope things are a little easier to read.

    Her Omega (Re-Wrote)
    (The Grave's Aftermath)


    Two weeks later I returned to her burial
    & I asked, "Why didn't I find you?"
    I found a note pinned to the grave stone
    that stated where you went to.
    Realizing what I've done went through
    it relieved previous tormenting news.
    I headed to a city called 'Her Mind'.
    I arrived to something entirely new from previous views.
    I walked into 'Her Mind' & it was emptier than last visit.
    Graffiti buildings with wind wizzing, it was probably the loneliness place on Earth.
    And than I saw her, the hooded angel I spent 4 years to earn,
    her face reflected the worth.
    I said her name & our eyes collided.
    And she said, "I never loved you." And than she replied with.
    "I pulled the puppet & used you to be my likens;
    Everyone can see that, that doesn't take a psychic."
    Her hood fell and so did her halo as well.
    Arose a horn from her brunette roots & a smell of ashes.
    My heart excelled into overload of flashes.
    Memories were laced with feelings that were now trash bins.
    The Devil secretely had been plotting
    in the home of 'Her Mind'; a place she spoke slightly of.
    She never changed nothing but plans.
    She would fake her death & smite my love.
    But I found her & tryed reviving plans, not feelings.
    It was all thought out & rotten. There was no faith involved.
    She didn't love me, just disected me with lust for gloves.
    I had become my own grave because the future of us being soul mates dissolved.
    & Everything I stood for was gone.
    Originally posted by Realize
    evilspecialist has always been a god of poetry even before his join date of june 04

  • #2
    I liked the topic and the vocbulary was nice. The flow was still a little tricky for me to find, i'm flow-retarded though. If the poem is what you think it should be there is no reson for you to change anything. If you want to work on finding a new way to flow you can get the lyrics to a song and follow the rhyme pattern writting your own words. It worked for me.


    Oh, and thanks for the up.

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    • #3
      Her hood fell and so did her halo as well.
      Arose a horn from her brunette roots & a smell of ashes----those lines stood out to me lotz. lol. good job. i likie.

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      • #4
        great

        you did a great job here. (W) its a long story but it makes me miss my bff
        whoever you are.. i already know
        you're not the one who got away... you're the one
        who let me go

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        • #5
          Not bad.. a couple parts didn't sound like they made sense.. but that'd easily be fixed with rewording.
          Now let the night be dark for all of me.
          Let the night be too dark for me to see
          Into the future. Let what will be, be.'

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