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Inamorata

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  • Inamorata

    I just wrote this earlier this evening. Might give it to my girlfriend on V-day, but not sure. I wasn't sure what style to do it in, so I ended up doing alternating rhyming short triplets and slightly-longer couplets. Any feedback would be appreciated.

    Inamorata

    The night was young: a fledgling eve
    Of course and deftly speech – perceived;
    Two paths now interweaved.

    Two palms: converged and interlocked;
    And beats of heart now synchronized to seconds on the clock

    Eventide: the sun had paled;
    The fires of day recede in fade.
    Our lines of life – now decussate.

    A moon-shone ray of lustrous light
    Illuminates your eyes amidst the darkness of the night.

    Figures now obscured: the night
    Has selfishly debarred you from my sight;
    An effervescent pool of guarded light.

    Twiddling fingers – yours and mine;
    But poems scarcely emulate the passions of the mind.

    Now: with haste the two must meet
    For fear of future’s fabled feats;
    Inamorata is she.
    My Soundclick
    http://www.soundclick.com/Nicolai


    Myspace
    http://www.myspace.com/nicolaim

  • #2
    I loved it.

    "Two palms: converged and interlocked;
    And beats of heart now synchronized to seconds on the clock"

    awwww
    no dough ho, you can't fuck with me!

    Comment


    • #3
      the more i read it the darker it becomes. smooothness

      Comment


      • #4
        Thanks for the feedback both, It's much appreciated.
        And yeah, I kinda went for a chronological thing with it...sorta going from early evening to late night.
        My Soundclick
        http://www.soundclick.com/Nicolai


        Myspace
        http://www.myspace.com/nicolaim

        Comment

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