Inamorata

[Nicolai]

I just wrote this earlier this evening. Might give it to my girlfriend on V-day, but not sure. I wasn't sure what style to do it in, so I ended up doing alternating rhyming short triplets and slightly-longer couplets. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Inamorata
The night was young: a fledgling eve
Of course and deftly speech – perceived;
Two paths now interweaved.

Two palms: converged and interlocked;
And beats of heart now synchronized to seconds on the clock

Eventide: the sun had paled;
The fires of day recede in fade.
Our lines of life – now decussate.

A moon-shone ray of lustrous light
Illuminates your eyes amidst the darkness of the night.

Figures now obscured: the night
Has selfishly debarred you from my sight;
An effervescent pool of guarded light.

Twiddling fingers – yours and mine;
But poems scarcely emulate the passions of the mind.

Now: with haste the two must meet
For fear of future’s fabled feats;
Inamorata is she.

[Kali]

I loved it.

"Two palms: converged and interlocked;
And beats of heart now synchronized to seconds on the clock"

awwww

[elemental]

the more i read it the darker it becomes. smooothness

[Nicolai]

Thanks for the feedback both, It's much appreciated.
And yeah, I kinda went for a chronological thing with it...sorta going from early evening to late night.