A Tip for the "poets"

[topdoggkyle]

Not to sound negative, but just about every poem I read in these threads was not deep. Surely, your intentions were good, but just because words rhyme, and you mention "tears" or "heart", does NOT make it deep. There was no use of imagery or symbolism or anything that makes poems deep. Writing a GOOD poem isn't all that easy. Just a word of advice. HOLLA

[Born Def]

word man i know wut u mean we did this poetry shit in class and 99% of the poems were shit.

[Mystery]

wat aboout this one, what would u class dis as:

Sometimes life gets the best of you
And you break down and cry
Sometimes life gets the best of you
And all you wanna do is die
Sometimes life gets the best of you
And you just don’t know why
But life never truly gets the best of you
Till you slit you wrists…and die

And while you sat there bleeding
Counting every second going by
You sat in a dark room weeping
With your life flashing by your eyes
Dreamt of all the good things
And how they slipped right by

You sat in a dark room crying
Blood rushing out your veins
There was nothing left to do
Except close your eyes...and die

Now life has definitely got the best of you
Your body lifeless on the floor
No one knows your lying there
No one knew your pain

Now someone’s knocking on the door
No answer, they walk in
Shocked and frozen in horror
And you thought they never cared

Sometimes life gets the best of you
Infact life is what you feared
Sitting in darkness crying
Letting others in
That you never dared

[StiLL BaLLin']

good job!(and im not bein sarcastic)

[topdoggkyle]

I would say its not bad homie... last stanza is the best one... HOLLA

[Mystery]

yea rote dat a couple yrz bk, i aint big on poemz and rittin poemz, dat was da 1st proper poem i rote.

i fink the last stanza is my best 1 too.

[Mystery]

thanx SB

[overgrown]

mystery

that is heavy.
and one of the best ive read on the net. good job!

[Da-SaVioR]

yo, obviously u havent checked my latest poem, cop it yall

[GuammaMama]

Mystery, damn boy.. That was an eye opener for anyone that is suicidal.. *Applauds

[B-Lynk]

hey topdoggkyle, i was just wondering if this is wat u meant by "deep"? get back at me dawg peace(also every1 feel free 2 critizise or praise or wateva u wanna do just gimmie some feedback plz)

Dear God.
why have u made us 2 search for something more
why with each advance there is another door
is life but an endless search of the worse kind
where there is always something else 2 find
does each person have a holy grail they shall never hold
yet they will look for this thing until they grow old
God can u plz tell me, "wats my holy grail?"
because in life i wish 2 succeed, not fail
I'm not sure whether it is just me, but y does it always rain?
It succeeds in hiding the tears but not washing away the pain
Is that the rain holy grail, 2 wash away mine and others pain?
and since it never will, will the rain b forever in shame
God can u plz tell me if i am like the rain in the life?
and will i b like the rain in the next life of strife?
If we get a choice Id like 2 b like the sun, always shining
cause the sun comes after the rain and ppl start smiling
the sun drys away the pain and makes u feel warm
yes the sun always comes after the storm
God can i b changed to b like the sun now?
If so plz just tell me how?
Cause the suns light is a sign of hope
and with life the suns light helps me 2 cope
or is that my holy grail to b like the sun?
In the name of the father and of the sun, God plz make me the 1.......

Amen

[Dena]

Not all poems are meant to be "deep" or have imagery or symbolism.

[topdoggkyle]

Dena, don't get me wrong, when i say "deep", I don't necessarily mean emotional... I mean it has depth in the sense where you can tell thought was put into it.... There are happy poems out there. Not every poem is meant to be "y is my life like this?".. That's so cliche.

B-Lynk, don't take what I have to say as a diss, I am simply giving constructive criticism... You've got potential... the "Holy Grail" analogy, I thought was tight... However, in the poem, you were too often cliche... for example, "I'm not sure whether it is just me, but y does it always rain?/It succeeds in hiding the tears but not washing away the pain". A line like that that includes "rain" is extremely cliche... it has been used over and over and over to the point where it almost has no real meaning, na'mean? Gotta try to be a lil more original... But then again, how much time did you take writing this poem? I bet you didnt' take all that much time, and I can tell. So maybe sometime you can sit down for a while, take your time, and write a deep ass poem. I'd love to hear it.. HOLLA

[topdoggkyle]

p.s. Dena, Chi-town represent, haha... HOLLA

[B-Lynk]

thanx topdoggkyle, appreciated. I didn't take it as a diss i took it more as a challenge and ur right it didnt take me long 2 write because wen i rite i dont believe in first drafts and spending hours on a piece because poetry should represent wats on ur mind, wat ur feeling and if u are really in touch with ur emotions the words flow and u dont have 2 sit down for an hour or so 2 write, like in an 8 i can have between 3 and 8 pieces of poetry written depending on wats happen that day how i feel and if i got some decent thoughts on my mind. Thanx 4 the feedback its appreciated and its wat ive been looking for from some1 4 a long time cause im sick of ppl just saying yeap thats good where as i wanted some1 2 disect it in the way u have and i write that piece ill get back at ya. peace out B-Lynk