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The Top 99 Games - Sane Thoughts In An Uncertain Time

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  • The Top 99 Games - Sane Thoughts In An Uncertain Time

    Top 99 Games - Where the opinion of primates trumps the sanity of, well, the sane.


    (Pictured Above)The average gamer is on a constant quest for fire.

    So IGN recently released their list of the 99 greatest games of all time. If this was a professional blunder created by a biased site, I'd understand it. But the unfortunate part is that the list was created based on the votes of average gamers (henceforth to be referred to as "complete shitheads").

    In past days, games lived and died based on how they played. When I first fired up my NES to play Kid Icarus, I wasn't thinking that the game would be good if there were particle effects on the arrows. When I first played Super Mario Bros., I didn't lament the fact that Peach showed minimal (if any, pervert) cleavage. When I began to play Zelda, I wasn't angry that Octoroks didn't drop blood with every sword slash. It was all about the challenge and the fun of it. Contrast that with today. The "best" game of all time is Resident Evil 4. It's a fun game, no question (I bought it on release day), but what factors should be considered when choosing the best game of all time? Graphics over everything? Fun Factor? Pioneering gameplay? Well the monkeys have spoken: Graphics it is.


    (Pictured Above)Yeah, but how many poly's per second is it?

    Looking at the rest of the list, I might have forgiven this little indiscretion. I mean, RE4 had amazing hype and even those that were firmly superglued to Sony's proverbial penis had to admit that the Cube had a hit on it's hands. But looking up slightly, I see many things that make me laugh and puke at the same time. Following is a few choice selections and notable games that they bested on the list. Thanks a lot Charles Darwin. Looks like your so-called evolution theory isn't filtering out the idiots like it used to.

    God Of War (PS2) Released:2005 Rank:#6
    Games it is better than: Link To The Past, Goldeneye, Super Metroid

    Already we have a laff (emphasis placed on the double "f" combo) riot on our hands here. What do you get when you take blood raining from the sky, pander in sex-based mini-games, add a population engrossed with anything with an "M" rating and what do you have? Instant classic.

    "People, this game is amazing. I read someone else talking about been there done that, that's a bunch of hoogin-flahgin! If anything, God of War takes all the platform games you love, put them into a big pot, cooks it for 4fidy and serves you up with a nice hot plate of kickass."
    -- Saizen

    Truly, Saizen knows what he's talking about. Anything that serves up a nice hot plate of any type of ass is sure to be something worthy of number 6 best game ever.

    Halo/Halo 2 (Xbox) Released:2001/2004 Rank:#18/#19
    Games it is better than: Metroid Prime 2, Perfect Dark, Super Mario 3

    What needs to be said about Halo that hasn't already been vomited into my mouth by the insane hype machine known as Microsoft? Dual-wield here people! Something only the fantasical Rouge Agent has experimented with. We all know THAT game is genre defying. If we could add some type of invincible power sword to the mix.... What? It already has one?!?!?! Super.

    "Halo 2 is the greatest game I've ever been blessed to be able to play."
    -- xboxchick1

    "It features flawless graphics, enhanced gameplay, great music and atmospheric sound, and multiplayer that's so good it will last a lifetime."
    -- Gh4DF3120ggY

    What is with these people and completely inane nicknames? Has intelligence really dropped so far down that the opinion of a guy named "Gh4DF3120ggY" is valued in some way? Hey, asshole, it used to be that your name needed to be pronouncable in order for you to be taken seriously. With a comment like "so good it will last a lifetime" you would almost be lead to believe that he WON'T be pre-ordering the next Halo game. And can we really assume that a person who feels that God has taken time out to grant them the ability to play Halo is an informed voter? Read the Davinci Code one more time. Perhaps you can find a way to work Xbox into the story.

    Gran Turismo 4 (PS2/Xbox - Double Threat!) Released:2005 Rank:#26
    Games it is better than: Super Mario World, Legend Of Zelda, Metroid Prime

    Another vortex of insanity. With it's complete lack of damage modelling, this game is clearly taking realism to the next level. And if that isn't enough for you, the promised online support was phased out completely. Guess Sony couldn't be bothered to find an independent company to steal an online framework from.

    "There is simply no doubt that Gran Turismo 4 is the best console driving simulation ever and likely won't be topped until Gran Turismo 5. The game's gameplay is almost flawless. Weak AI and no online play are the only negatives."
    -- silverfox863

    The gameplay is almost flawless, but there is weak AI? What kind of sense does this make? I wonder if the other 862 shitheads called "silverfox" agree with what this jobber is opining on? Probably. Monkey see, monkey do. And a hell of a lot of monkeys are seeing this game. I know that these guys enjoy large black monoliths while listening to Also Sprach Zarathustra (Dawn) in the background. Who knows? Maybe one day that bone will actually turn into a space ship for you!


    (Pictured above)Something you don't understand.

    A choice selection of some of the better games of all time. We all know that the good folks at Microsoft and Sony (with their comibined 14 years of gaming excellence) will continue to do their best to deliver exactly what these fine individuals (who have little to no mental retardation) want. As much blood and bewbs as can be thrown at the screen as fast as possible.
    Last edited by The Un-American; 08-23-2005, 07:24 PM.

  • #2
    LOL, 9.2 on this rant. But I agree, the days of using your mind in a game has been replaced with flashy-ness and tits. If a game is'nt visually stunning it cannot be good attitude sperates the simple minds from the advanced ones though. They come on here talking about "preference" but who prefers to be stupid? Who prefers to play the dumbed down version willingly? Why take a crappy version of a game and pretend that its better just because it has tits in it? I like RE4 as well but I agree its no OoT. it's no Mario either. But what makes RE4 so great is all the Zelda-like features it incorporates. Making it by default at best a strong second place.
    One convienient location...... somewhere in Africa.

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    • #3
      Very nice rant, ummm 9 for specific examples and use of pictures.

      Duke Nukem 64 > Halo, and I don't generally like FPS. But I do like funny catch sayings like "It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum." And pigs with guns that snort when you kill them.

      I agree with gdillinjah too. Days of using your mind are over an replaced with how many hundreds of hours you are willing to pour into this game to completely beat it. Or how many hundreds of bullets are flying, fuck imagination and creativeness. I like a little violence as much as the next guy but the days of originality seem practically over. Oh please please give me another Tom Clancy game that is like all of its predeccsors and equally sucks. Cuz I'm just I'm dying for Ghost Recon: Flaming Arrow (which doesn't incorporate a bow and arrow at all.)

      And OoT not being first is bullshit. I love that game. I really shouldn't say shit since I haven't played RE4 for lack of a GameCube but I'm guessing it doesn't have a Water Temple? I'm sorry but OoT should be first based solely on principle.
      Last edited by evil_genius; 08-22-2005, 07:10 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by gdillinjah
        They come on here talking about "preference" but who prefers to be stupid?
        Yes, exactly.

        Seriously, I love Resident Evil 4. I really do. It's a really fun game. But there is no way in hell to convince me that it is even in the same league as Wind Waker. Not even mentioning Ocarina.

        RE4 is basically just the next logical step in the RE franchise. The controls are virtually identical. There's no full analog support except when aiming. And there are a number of other little flaws about this game. Nothing major and outrageous, but enough to make me wonder why it's the number one game of all time.

        I've got a save file where I cleared the game with all treasure and killing all enemies that only took me 8 hours to run through. That's not a deep enough experience to warrant best game EVER created.

        The only logical explaination is that people think it looks the best and therefore IS the best.

        Comment


        • #5
          I agree 99%, and awesome post

          Think about it, top 100 out of the 100,000 (very rough estimate) games ever? Needs to be more standards... PC has the bulk of all games released and only has a few entries. So many great PC titles overlooked. Why is Syndicate on there? It's a great game but it should have at least bowed down to The Sims...

          Graphics, sounds, or the ESRB rating don't make a game, gameplay does. It seems like at least 90% of the games released in the past 5 years are sequels. I guess the saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" applies here, but software companies' main focus seems to be improving on sequels instead of developing original games. I think that since there are so many sequels of old games out now, graphics have more importance than gameplay (with apes) since gameplay doesn't change much, or at all and it reflects on the gaming industry as a whole. That is truly sad.

          Unless they're utterly horrible, I think the original game in a great series is usually the best. Fitting, the original usually shows the most originality because the developers had to actually think about what kind of game to kick off said series. One of the few exceptions to this rule is GTA3, the most revolutionary game in the GTA series. Second would be GTA1, Rockstar had the balls to make a then-controversial game like that. Those two are the only ones out of the GTA series that deserve to be on the top 100 list. VC and SA for the most part, just recycle the original concept. They improved, but they're not ground-breaking like 1 and 3.

          FYI off the top of my head the only game based on a movie that is truly a classic is Goldeneye. I can't think of any good movies based on games.

          Where did the other 1% go? Well, no damage modeling in Gran Turismo 4 is a letdown but I can understand why it wasn't implemented. I mean they would've had to model it for the 700+ cars in the game, and from what I can tell, the dudes at Polyphony Digital all have OCD or are just perfectionists. They'd want the damage "as real as it gets", and wouldn't settle for a cookie-cutter damage model for every car, thus pushing back GT4 much further than it already was. I forgive them for that, as for the online play and lack of better AI, shame on PD there's no excuse for that!
          Originally posted by evil_genius
          Days of using your mind are over an replaced with how many hundreds of hours you are willing to pour into this game to completely beat it. Or how many hundreds of bullets are flying, fuck imagination and creativeness. I like a little violence as much as the next guy but the days of originality seem practically over. Oh please please give me another Tom Clancy game that is like all of its predeccsors and equally sucks. Cuz I'm just I'm dying for Ghost Recon: Flaming Arrow (which doesn't incorporate a bow and arrow at all.)
          Agreed. Overall, games are alot easier than they used to be, depending on which system they for. It might've been because I was a little kid, but alot of NES games were genuinely difficult. I was shocked when I "graduated" to the Genesis in the early 90's. Golden Axe 2 and Sonic 1 were the first games I got for it. Sonic provided a decent challenge (which I like), but I beat Golden Axe 2 on the highest difficulty the day I got it! In my eyes the Genesis had the easiest games, I rented tons of games for it and a good number I beat within the rental period (some 3 days, some 5 days). In fact, all Nintendo systems overall provided a good challenge. PS1 and 2 games do a decent job, but not on the same level as Nintendo. I've only played Xbox a little bit but the games I've played were hard just because I hate the controllers. A good challenging game is hard to come by these days.[/RANT]

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          • #6
            well, I think the list is pretty good, only bad thing is you have to have a low (certain amount of votes on a game before counting it) of some #, i think it was 100 for the 99 best of all time. Those #'s will decrease over time. That's what I got out of the list. It was still great to see a lot of the classics near the top. I Didn't expect any less really. Because, also, I'm assuming many of these gamers are teens and haven't played a SNES, NES, etc. and grew up with PS or even PS2 and Xbox.


            Edit: In fact In a lot of threads on IGN, numerous teens or what not, were just hopiiiiiing for a chance to play, say Super Mario RPG on gba because they never played it before and to them, it looks awesome, etc.
            "Fuck other people's thoughts. You don't need them. They're not yours for a reason. Believe what you want for a reason and tell everyone else to fuck off."-my brother.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by unown23
              well, I think the list is pretty good, only bad thing is you have to have a low (certain amount of votes on a game before counting it) of some #, i think it was 100 for the 99 best of all time. Those #'s will decrease over time. That's what I got out of the list. It was still great to see a lot of the classics near the top. I Didn't expect any less really. Because, also, I'm assuming many of these gamers are teens and haven't played a SNES, NES, etc. and grew up with PS or even PS2 and Xbox.
              Yes, exactly. That's my point with this article. People who haven't explored the possibilities that non-3D gaming brings to the table are not only handcuffing their gaming experience, they're in the majority.

              Now, I have no problem with 3D games, but the mere fact that a game is 3D isn't enough to wow me. It needs something more. The whole point is that graphics don't make a game, but in the eyes of MANY people (probably more people than there are like you and I) graphics are ALL the game is.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by The Un-American
                Yes, exactly. That's my point with this article. People who haven't explored the possibilities that non-3D gaming brings to the table are not only handcuffing their gaming experience, they're in the majority.

                Now, I have no problem with 3D games, but the mere fact that a game is 3D isn't enough to wow me. It needs something more. The whole point is that graphics don't make a game, but in the eyes of MANY people (probably more people than there are like you and I) graphics are ALL the game is.
                Which is what pisses me off about some people, as its complete retardation, Seems you and me have more in common than we'd like to admit.
                LOL @ You

                Comment


                • #9
                  I was going to go on tyrade but everything I was going to say has already been said. there are always going to be morons out there who think they are Victor Lucas , and they are because Victor Lucas is a moron who likes to be pandered to with bullshit games. The only difference is he gets paid to endorse , and defend garbage. So the real question is why are people so gulliable ?
                  Last edited by Dr Mario; 08-24-2005, 11:32 AM.
                  99% of people here consume shit as their main source of food...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by The Un-American

                    I've got a save file where I cleared the game with all treasure and killing all enemies that only took me 8 hours to run through. That's not a deep enough experience to warrant best game EVER created.

                    The only logical explaination is that people think it looks the best and therefore IS the best.
                    So what game do you think is number 1?



                    Edit: Actually this is a good question for everyone.
                    I would have to say Perfect Dark, (it was GoldenEye plus more) I never kept coming back to play the same game so long after having beating it. Me and my brother recently bought a N64 and Perfect Dark (because we gave our old N64 and all the games 2 our FAM in Colombia) so we could play PD again. Thats true greatness for me.
                    Last edited by J-2da-Son; 08-25-2005, 03:47 AM.
                    Colombian Heart

                    New York

                    State

                    Of

                    Mind

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                    • #11
                      People on this site don't seem to bne able to accept that people have differing opinion to themselves. If we all thought the same way then it'd be a pretty dull world.

                      I personally couldn't understand Burnout 3 being in the list, let alone so high. But the thing is, at no point did they say "this is the definitive top 100 games". The list is IGN's top 100 games ever, so telling them that they're wrong is like saying to someone that he doesn't like Cheeseburgers.

                      It's all opinion people.

                      You can't say someone's stupid for liking something you don't, that's narrowminded bullshit.
                      "Those who dispute get treated just like a prostitute, they get the boot and played like a flute. So just PLAY mute, don't even whisper, open your mouth to speak and I'ma diss ya" - Big Daddy Kane

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        ^ Well, to me, suggesting that a game that was released this year could somehow trump ALL previous games EVER created is a pretty narrow minded viewpoint. Plus, it's not like a single person or a just a few people decided this list. It's voted on by TONS of different people. I find it more than a little sad that a group of people calling themselves gamers can't look past the hype of a game like "God Of War" to understand that there is nothing unique or groundbreaking to warrant it's position on the list. It may be opinion, but if I said "Gee, I think that child murder is a pretty damn good thing", it'd be an opinion too. Is it a completley ridiculous opinion that deserves to be ridiculed? Yep.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to The Un-American again.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Child murder is hardly in the same context as opinions on computer games.

                            Anyway IGN have always been pretty dumb when it comes to review scores and ratings, I don't really trust any of their reviews anymore. They're good for news and footage, but nothing much else.

                            Giving Jade Empire 9.9 was the final nail in the coffin for me. Good game, but nearly perfect? FUCK OFF!

                            Even Ocarina of Time doesn't deserve 9.9. Even though it's what I would consider to be the closest to perfection a game has ever come, there was still room for some improvement.
                            "Those who dispute get treated just like a prostitute, they get the boot and played like a flute. So just PLAY mute, don't even whisper, open your mouth to speak and I'ma diss ya" - Big Daddy Kane

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              ^ That's just it though. IGN didn't make this list. It's from actual people voting.

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