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  • Nostalgia

    I have often contemplated on the evil situations human beings are placed immediately after birth. The first thing that happens is you're stuck in the middle of a vagina and squeezed out. Then you're in the hands of a doctor, and doctors to me are among the most dangerous fucks on the planet, first because their incompetence kills or maims and second because they have a profession which inevitably makes them insane. Many humans don't even survive this first encounter with reality. Many come out of it with damage of some sort, either due to something wrong the mother did or simply a tangled umblical cord.

    From there life basically never stops getting worse. Think about it, I believe a solid 90% with you (exception of heabused ones) will agree that childhood was the happies period of your lives. I certainly believe that about mine. In my memory banks childhood comes with assocation of sunshine, I remember endless summers, playing outside, not having a single responsibility to worry about, not knowing the definition of worrying, I remember my parents, grandmother and brother, providing everything I needed and being leaders and friends, apart from them I had more kids to play with than I could handle, and more activities I enjoyed than I can remember.
    Without anyone warning me, from a kid I switched to a teenager then all of a sudden everybody(including me) started having big egoes. Fools trying to be what they aren't, trying to impress females, females messing with your head without knowing what they want in the end. The morons gang up and gain courage to show how obnoxious they are. The intelligent and faster maturing teenagers being reluctant to join any herds stay away from that incredible daily stupidity convention and being harder to be satisfied resort to drugs and what not. In the meantime there's some that seem to be stuck in their childhood completely and go straight home after class to do homework, and if you mention girls or a curse words laugh like retards. It became a bit harder, way crazier, but still quite a lot of fun, amazing amount of good friends, numerous parties, girls all over the place, ability to meet a new one every day, still I could see it going in a bad direction, I saw adults and to me their lives seemed like slavery and agony, I couldn't imagine working 8 hours a day EVER, I could only stay focused on the same thing for 8 hours if it was a really good game, or a girl was being hard to seduce.

    After high school shit became straight hard, especially for those who were financially independant and still tried to go through college in hopes for better days. It was like a hard slap across the face, and reality was quite a rough thing to be slapped with. I finally realized what life is and how blessed I've been to grow in a nice family, no divorce, no abuse, perfect upbringing and attending an elite school. The situation in the real world though, was nothing like that.

    Life became flustered with working for minimum wage with a demanding, imbecile boss with half my IQ, who takes him or herself too seriously for the miserable situation he or she is in, dealing with complete morons who think they're the center of the universe because they're the customers, not being able to loosen up and be late with half an hour, not being able to be sick, because you either get fired or lose more money than you can afford, working with fevers and bronchitis, not being able to go to the doctor because the price is ridiculus, not being able to afford more than 98% of the things i wanted, because my money goes for tuition,rent, food, clothes, and all the little things that turn out to be necessary for a normal lifestyle , dealing with jackals from every company there is trying to leech your money as if you're not already broke, and quite often succeeding, not having time for yourself because you have to work 1 or 2 or 3 jobs AND go to college where every single teacher thinks his subject is not only the most important, but absolutely vital for your survival and marking you down for the most ridiculus reasons possible.

    Seriously I could go on forever, you all know these are things that do exist and can't be gone around, this is just how life is. The only thing you can do about it is do your best to numb your perception of reality and while going through all these unpleasant tasks, have something exciting going on in your head to make yourself halfway happy i.e content.
    At this point you start building your life up, but it never seems to get any easier, you can get better financially, but that doesn't really solve most of the problems, socially things worsen much more than anyone has imagined, everyone your age has either become an addict of some sort by that time or is himself so busy and tired from that shit that you gotta pick out a day or two to be able to see some people. It turns out the nice hanging out with friends almost every day doesn't work anymore and you can hang out with a girlfriend, but then if you get too much in love you're facing one of the 2 outcomes - 1 you get your heart broken, because you either break up or someone has to move and schedules conflict or one of the hundreds reasons a relationship can crash, or 2 you keep the same girl digging yourself into a bigger and bigger hole, because in the end you end up missing out your young years without experiencing much. Either way you're up for some pain.

    Going through all this one, no matter what, asks himself why is he doing all this, what's the point and where and how it's going to end. The future seems even more grim because who the hell wants to be 30+ with an overweight wife and 2 kids working overtime to provide and not spending a single moment of life for himself. Not only that but every next year your health gets worse and your skills will start diminishing, from physical ones like sight and muscular power to brain power like remembering and learning new things. This is the road which all of us are taught to take from the day that evil doctor holds us the first time. And this is the easiest path, no matter how terrible it is. So when asking yourself why and reflecting, there comes that necessary look back in time. Memories come and at least I am a positive person and what remember is the good times. But comparing to myself now I feel nostalgic of those times, and it's a miserable feeling, I can never bring back my childhood, the pure happiness, I can never bring back those friends who I made and lost during the years, I can never bring back the high school atmosphere, the field trips and being reckless, I can never bring back all the girls who made me happy and excited to see them again, but who I had to stop seeing for some reason, I can never bring back those more serious relationships who made me feel more alive than anything else.

    So yeah, nostalgia is the most horrible thing when you feel it. And it's messed up, because it's a bad feeling coming from good moments, there's no way of winning that . If you've had the good times you'll miss them, if you didnt have them then you're even more fucked. It's a lose-lose situation. Doesn't it make you feel like we're made to suffer

    Fuck nostalgia. Live every moment like it's first and last, don't look back, don't get lost in the future.Fuck the path that the system is trying to fool you is the best to take, it will never get you anywhere, that's not how the people you get fascinated with did it, either celebrities, or scientiests, or revolutionary figures, none of those conformed. Be an individual and live your dreams, you have one shot at this bitch.
    Last edited by AgenTGenev; 10-10-2004, 03:45 AM.
    There is a power so organized so subtle so watchful so interlocked so complete so pervasive that they better not speak above their breath when they speak in condemnation of it.
    Woodrow Wilson

  • #2
    Nobody said it would be easy!

    The last paragraph is pretty much too optimistic, on the contrary to everything else. But maybe thatís how it should be, considering that what you have written is right, and we still need to feel glad having a possibility to be alive, and try to find positive moments on every life stage.
    The best way to get rid of nostalgia as I see it is to fall in love, and it always gives a person the sense in present and future life, if he happened not to see it previously. Or when your children are born and you live for their childhood to become the best period of their lives.

    But thanks for sharing with us your thoughts, I enjoyed reading it and found that I can relate to most of it.
    Natalie
    What is madness, but our ability to see other people as they see themselves but not as other people see them?

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