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Splackavellie's not LAME but stupid problem

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  • Splackavellie's not LAME but stupid problem

    So last night I went over to my girlfriends moms house for dinner. Her mom cooked up some bomb ass chili, but it made my tummy rumble. I excused myself and went upstairs to use that bathroom so that they wouldn't hear my huge,ass-tearing logs hit the water.This shit i was about to take wasnt going to make little plooping sounds when it fell in the bowl,believe that.


    This bowel movement was brutal,you know...the ones that make you say shit like "Get Out Of Me Satan!!!" I was sittin there for a good 15 minutes poppin more then collars,ya know?

    Anyways when i get done reading the shampoo bottles to help kill time, I noticed that there was no fucking toilet paper,Ok im paranoid now,freaking out sweating more then i was when i was forcing that chili back out.Nobody could hear me that far upstairs,its a big house.I was alone,like a soldier caught behind enemy lines.

    I didnt wanna do it but i was backed into a corner and had no other choice........

    I leaned over and wiped my ass with her moms satin white Martha Stewart shower curtain,now i was going to flip the shower curtain around and hope nobody would notice but first i had to flush.


    Just as i thought life couldnt kick me in the nuts any harder what would ya know...the toilet wouldn't flush! I couldn't think of what to do next,My shit just sat there burning and pulsating while mocking me the whole time.Each flush caused the toilet to back up even more.Im not one to think clearly under pressure so what i did next shouldnt come as a suprise to any of you.

    I picked up the soap dish and began scooping my ass apples out of the toilet,This was the point of no return............

    I turned around almostly blindly and opened the bathroom window and proceeded to toss the rectal feedback out of the window.

    It was just my luck that the upstairs bathroom overlooked the dining room where dinner was being eaten! It was also just perfect that the dining room was also a sunroom which had large glass windows in the ceiling. Well,my Lincoln Logs came flying down and landed on the ceiling with a thunderous thud!! upon impact however they exploded like an egg on a brick wall.

    As I came downstairs I noticed that everyone was staring at me.I'll be honest with ya,i was a little embarrassed.

    My problem is,is it ok for me to go over there for Thanksgiving dinner or should i make up an excuse when November rolls around?
    Originally posted by Tone Riggz
    Akon has dry humped a teenage girl, tossed a kid off stage...i think for his next feat, he should diamond cutter Tito Jackson...

  • #2
    Loooooooooooool. Sounds like a scene from a comedy movie.

    Anyway, I'd be embarrassed to go back, but in the end it depends what type of relationship you have with your girl and her family. Come to think of it, November's still some months away man. This shit will die down by then.

    Comment


    • #3
      I don't believe the chili was that bomb... you exaggerated!
      the last vet.before everyone got vetted
      Originally posted by MarshallArts
      Who's got you quoted in their sigs? Are they as equally worthy as those that have sigged me? I just can't imagine it.

      Comment


      • #4
        cut ur mullet
        D E S T I N Y F O U N D

        Comment


        • #5
          Lol, you should go back for Thanksgiving, but next time check before you sit down to see if there is toilet paper.

          Comment


          • #6
            you dont have a girlfriend, and this wasnt funny... probably took you a long time to type too... damn, fail.

            Comment


            • #7
              Oil Man tells better stories.

              Comment


              • #8
                thats bad
                D E S T I N Y F O U N D

                Comment


                • #9
                  if it really happened thatd be hilarious
                  I rap.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I didnt have time to read it, but im glad i had an influence on your title choice, Oil Man shall live for ever!
                    I get so high you might see me laugh at something I seen on the turned off TV. I sprinkled kief into a Fonto leaf when I wake I chief before I brush my teeth, for real.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I read a few lines and "dumb & dumber" instantly popped into my head. Either this is an insanely rare, crazy string of bad coincidences, or it's an attempt at a funny fictional story. Or both. I can't decide just yet, but may reservoirGod bless you if it's true.
                      Iím here, Iím present, Iím suffering





                      @gracihas

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        not gonna read it, oil mans lame enough
                        Based

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Oil Man is the future haha

                          Next time you go over, take a pack of cards. Old white folk love card games and charades, they'll forgive you in no time
                          ..Friend of the People

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I was smoking a joint while reading this, and when I got to "ass apples" I spit it out of my mouth, laughing the smoke out of my nose (and ears, it felt like. shit was painful).

                            This is the fucking post of the year. It's obviously bullshit, but you've got quite an imagination man.

                            LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
                            Originally posted by MarshallArts
                            I hope I don't regret it.
                            Better hit edit delete
                            before the dreaded elite
                            have me devetted

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              ^whoa whoa whoa.. lets not get out of hand here - post of the year? not even close.
                              Everybody sound same; commercialize the game, reminiscing when it wasnít all business.

                              If Hip Hop should die, we die together.

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