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  • College Admissions Essay...

    In school we were asked to write a mock college admissions essay in English class... and there were a whole list of things to choose from, but this is what I picked... My teacher told me it was one of the best written things she's read and she honestly didn't have to do any editing or make any criticism on my rough draft, which I thought was real cool... Love it or hate it... love me or hate me... Here's a little insight into my life.




    "When I was asked to write a mock college admissions essay, I have to admit I wasnít the happiest camper around. As I glanced over the list of unappealing topics for the paper I almost gave up on putting any effort into this and basically I was going to b/s my way through it. I then came upon the one topic that really interested me; I decided to write about the one event in my life that I feel changed or affected me the most.

    Approximately three months into my freshman year, my mother passed away. I canít say what of, because we frankly donít know, but she died. Needless to say, it was a tough blow to handle, and for a while both my grades and my social life suffered, but dealing with that and being able to overcome such a tough obstacle probably helped me grow more than anything Iíve went through thus far.

    My dad wasnít the most experienced parent around, so his takes on situations tended to be distorted for fear of being too harsh on us. My two younger siblings began acting up in ways they KNOW that they would not if my mom was still here, so I, being the oldest, basically felt burdened to step in and be a second parent-type. Being only 14 years old at the time, itís such unbelievable pressure put on you to grow up all at once and try to be such a responsible person, while putting extreme effort into schoolwork, when all that you want to do is play basketball or video games. To add to that, it is even tougher to not just give up when your efforts are basically resented by your only parent, and youíre completely disrespected the majority of the time by the same siblings who youíre trying to help grow up better. Itís just taught me to be a persistent person and to never give up all effort, despite what bad may come, not to mention giving me a little bit of future parenting experience, which canít hurt.

    School was another hit-me-tough area for some time afterwards as well, but this is where I think I overcame the challenges best of all. Iíve always had Ďgood enoughí grades for as long I can remember, when I know Iíve had 4.0 potential; it was just a lack of motivation, I guess. After my momís death, my freshman-year grades somewhat suffered, due to missing almost a week of school and not being able to catch up on the work. Sophomore year though, I felt fully motivated though, like a second chance to live up to my potential, and I didÖ striking back with a 4.0 vengeance.

    Sure, the death of my mother was an extremely tragic event, and it and her both are things I will NEVER forget, but in the long run, I made the most of a bad situation. Overcoming such an event made me a much more mature person, and it helped me realize my academic potential. Iíll always love and miss her, and I thank her for what sheís done for me, even after death."
    This board deserves a better class of poster...

  • #2
    that's real Kory, it's a hard subject to touch upon - i respect you cuz you tell it.
    If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions

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    • #3
      wow kory that was reallllly good.. who would have thought such a smart ass like ur self could be serious? but seriouly im sry about ur mom.. and i talk to a guy the othe rnight and he tod me that his mom died a while ago and i said "oh im sry " and he was like "why? its made me a better person" and now i really dos ee his point.. glad u turned ur shit in to a pos thing
      Moe is a privilege, not a right

      ...Betta Known As Tha DirtyDozenBabe...

      Im The Illest White Girl..

      I know my looks can be deceivin'

      HeArT(U)BrEaKeR


      oops

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      • #4
        [email protected], I respect you for deciding to write about such a hard time in your life, and much respect for dealing with all that and turning a negative into a positive. That essay is really good, I'm feelin the conclusion, I think those are always such a pain to write, but you did a nice job on it.

        Comment


        • #5
          Wow, I would have to say that was the most amazing thing I've ever read. Veary well done!
          I'm also sorry for your loss. That must of been hard. Must still be hard. I couldnt imagine life with out my mum...
          I think I got a generation brainwashed
          to pop pills and smoke pot til they brains rot
          Stop they blood flow until they veins clot
          I need a pain shot, and a shot of plain scotch
          Purple haze and acid raindrops
          Spike the punch at the party and drink pop
          Shaved my armpits and wore a tank top
          Bad Boy, I told you that I can't stop
          You gotta make em fear you 'fore you make em feel you
          So everybody buy my shit or I'ma come and kill you
          -Eminem


          ------------------------------------------------------
          Toppdoggkyles #1 Fan
          ----------------------------------------------------
          Yes, I am a female

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          • #6
            I liked it.

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            • #7
              utter shite!
              World Class

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              • #8
                oh shit! was i meant to read it? do I look like some sort of teacher?

                or like some kind of college admissions person?
                World Class

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks you guys... it was hard to write, but a lot of teachers have told me writing (along with a number of other things) is a natural talent for me... I really should write more... I just don't really like it... But thanks... still considering whether or not to actually use this when I apply for college... Or maybe even a revised version...
                  This board deserves a better class of poster...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I think that you are a good writer and when you go to apply for schools you will probably use elements of it and revise it.
                    Reloading Random Thoughts. One post at a time.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Y-Rok FFolohCiN
                      is a natural talent for me... I really should write more... I just don't really like it...
                      Noone really with any talents for it does enjoy it, Kory.
                      The brightest of people go crazy over trying to find the right words. It is two steps forward, 1000 steps back-progress.
                      And sometimes it seems like practice doesn't really help either.


                      Well it is a challenge..
                      Last edited by orlando; 04-16-2003, 09:02 PM.

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                      • #12
                        man thats great
                        Vexx, bitch.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          That was really good, Kory...its very well written and very honest, its like exactly what my writing teacher would look for in an paper. I always knew you were smart. I think that colleges would like that and respect it too, where are you gonna apply? Are we gonna have a d12 worlder be admitted to Yale??? :] Anyways... I think I've told you before I'm sorry about your mom, but I'm glad that you came through it stronger... and you're quite funny too. ;]
                          Be more concerned with your character than your reputation... Your character is who you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

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                          • #14
                            I believe your choice was a good one, I also respect you for choosing to write about such a personal and difficult thing. Your siblings are very lucky to have you, and so is your dad, whether they know it or not.

                            You have got quite a talent for writing, even if alot of your writing skills are used for funny things. If you do choose to use this when you apply for college, I'm sure they'll be quite impressed with it. I was.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Tyrant
                              oh shit! was i meant to read it? do I look like some sort of teacher?

                              or like some kind of college admissions person?

                              Fucking faggot, read the damn paper first. Kory wrote on something very personal, and something that was very tough for him to write about, and it is no laughing matter. It never seizes to surprise me what morons come on here these days. Respect what Kory has done or don't say anything. He didn't ask you to "grade" it, but there are times when humor and negative opinions should be left out. What surprises me even more is, that you're a Vet, and as a Vet you should know fucking better.


                              I already told Kory what I thought of the paper through AIM.
                              Who the hell do you think I am?!

                              Comment

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