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One thing I will always fail to understand about us, men.

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  • One thing I will always fail to understand about us, men.

    Okay, I've been thinking about this for past couple of nights now, but why is that every time a girl breaks up with us or simply decides to take a break for a little while, knowing she's going through rough times, even if it includes her acting like a bitch towards you, we, as men, want them even more?

    There's something about that feeling of rejection, questioning what did go wrong, so common "Is it my fault?" question that strikes our mind, and unless you disliked that person or you were about to dump her yourself, you'd want her even more back. Or maybe it's just insecurity with your-own-self.

    Why is it like that? Why can't we just understand that they want time off to deal with their own private issues? It might've been just me, that's what I was thinking before, but after listening to "Still Love Me" by Eminem, I guess it happens with some/most guys.

    It just doesn't make any sense to me; she treats you like shit, decides to take break, then you want her back more than ever before? I wish we could control our feelings, our ways of thinking, our heart, and just lock it all away leaving you with nothing to worry about relationship-wise.

    Discuss away. Ladies feel free to reply with your opinions as well, might be helpful.
    ..Still takin' my time to perfect the beat, and I still got love for the streets, it's the D-R-E...

  • #2
    i don't know what to say here... it's very hard to control your feelings and when you're feeling something like that, it's just the way it is. sounds as though you feel you are being challenged and think, 'why the hell is it like that? what is it? i wanna find this out and work it out..' it's a pretty natural feeling and yes, sometimes it's the same with women just generally speaking. i know i have felt the same way.
    has something just happened recently?
    Bang-bang when i chitty-chitty

    Comment


    • #3
      Men are not only like this but so are women. It's all a game. Everyone wants to play and see if they'll get what they want.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by komacyde
        There's something about that feeling of rejection, questioning what did go wrong, so common "Is it my fault?" question that strikes our mind, and unless you disliked that person or you were about to dump her yourself, you'd want her even more back. Or maybe it's just insecurity with your-own-self.

        Why is it like that? Why can't we just understand that they want time off to deal with their own private issues? It might've been just me, that's what I was thinking before, but after listening to "Still Love Me" by Eminem, I guess it happens with some/most guys.

        It just doesn't make any sense to me; she treats you like shit, decides to take break, then you want her back more than ever before? I wish we could control our feelings, our ways of thinking, our heart, and just lock it all away leaving you with nothing to worry about relationship-wise.
        Werd, that song got me thinking too. In my last relationship I kept blaming myself, but then I finally realized I did nothing wrong at all. For me, when "she" said she didn't want a relationship right now, that's when the insecurity set in. The simple question ... why wouldn't you want one? Well I must have done something to make you think that way. Even though I knew I didn't do anything wrong, I still wanted her back ... even after she treated me like shit, used me, cheated, etc - The more I showed her I wanted her, the more unattractive I guess it looked. The reason why I wanted her back was simply because I had really strong feelings for her ... and shit like that can't and usually won't fade overnight.
        .

        Comment


        • #5
          I think in some its a bit of both; insecurity and the challenge.

          I like a challenge and enjoy a mentally stimulating relationship. If one or both are missing, I get bored and lose interest very quickly unless there is something else to offset it, like being in love. But if not, I tend to be bitchy and argumentative.

          But you're right, when you feel like you are losing something you work harder for it. You want it back and start judging yourself as to your actions. Nobody likes rejection. Either you learn from it and address any actual faults (yours/hers), or you realize you're in it just for the chase and cut your losses.
          Last edited by Amarett; 03-03-2004, 04:50 AM.
          "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." - Poe

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          • #6
            wow i never knew this
            maybe its cuz no1 ever broke up with me :S :P

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Wuts_Rilly_Good
              ... even after she treated me like shit, used me, cheated, etc - The more I showed her I wanted her, the more unattractive I guess it looked. The reason why I wanted her back was simply because I had really strong feelings for her ... and shit like that can't and usually won't fade overnight.
              In relation to my own situation, things didn't go that far as they went with you. I knew my girl for 3 years and we were just friends for that period of time. Lately, about 2 months ago something happened between us that sparked the idea of going out. So we started dating on Valentine's.. I asked her out in the most original way ever. She was shocked. I cooked us a dinner, candles, romantic music, you know how it is trying to show them you want this to work.

              If there is one good thing about all this, it's that I'm glad it didn't go any further than it did. I do care for her, at least I did before last Friday, loved her too, and was willing to eventually make her envision her life through my eyes. Her and myself are very different concerning that question, she lives day by day, has no future goals, doesn't care about school, has poor marks that are questioning whether she'll get in one day in college or not, she likes to go out at partys every weekend, smoke up and drink with her friends.. totally opposite of me.

              Maybe she caught up on it and figured "Hey, I don't want anyone to change me, I want to be myself."? That's the closest I get to figuring out what I did wrong. Everything else was cool. But now it's been 5 days since I spoke to her, and I have this feeling of uncariness love-wise. I'm going to Quebec trip with my school tomorrow morning and we're coming back Monday. If this doesn't help me to recover and keep my minds away from thinking about her, nothing will. We'll be friends afterwards, I don't want to lose her completely, as much as I hate to admit it, I don't.

              Like you've said Wuts_Rilly_Good, getting over someone you've had feelings for takes days, weeks, months, depending how long you've been together with that person, and that's why I'm glad it didn't go any deeper than it did. I would've gone crazy..
              ..Still takin' my time to perfect the beat, and I still got love for the streets, it's the D-R-E...

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by TommyClocker
                wow i never knew this
                maybe its cuz no1 ever broke up with me :S :P
                LOL ... punkass 3;-)3
                "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." - Poe

                Comment


                • #9
                  Oh great topic, cause I have a similar situation with my exboyfriend at moment. We met again last summer and had fun and now he likes to have a close relationship again, even he betrayed me in our last relationship. I told him that I cant trust him and that I didnt like to have something close, but he didnt give up. Its an endless fight about having something close or not. I showed him so many times that theres no chance, but he didnt get it. Its crazy cause normally he knows that he isnt able to be loyal and he is not the type for something close.
                  Now I tried to stop the contact, but he trys again and again. He makes me presents and says how much he loves me.
                  I am not sure if he really changed or if its only a challenge for him, cause normally a lot of girls like to have something close with him and he always says no. He is always the one who decides when it ends. I think he only trys so hard, cause he cant get me...

                  All in all I really think that this is an ego thing. You try to get the person back, cause you like to proof youself that you can win the "fight".
                  FREEDOM IS JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE !
                  Janis Joplin

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by tameracuja
                    Oh great topic, cause I have a similar situation with my exboyfriend at moment. We met again last summer and had fun and now he likes to have a close relationship again, even he betrayed me in our last relationship. I told him that I cant trust him and that I didnt like to have something close, but he didnt give up. Its an endless fight about having something close or not. I showed him so many times that theres no chance, but he didnt get it. Its crazy cause normally he knows that he isnt able to be loyal and he is not the type for something close.
                    Now I tried to stop the contact, but he trys again and again. He makes me presents and says how much he loves me.
                    I am not sure if he really changed or if its only a challenge for him, cause normally a lot of girls like to have something close with him and he always says no. He is always the one who decides when it ends. I think he only trys so hard, cause he cant get me...

                    All in all I really think that this is an ego thing. You try to get the person back, cause you like to proof youself that you can win the "fight".
                    That's different, he actually gave you a reason not to have him back, big reason for that matter; cheating fucks should never be given another chance, at least that's how I see it. You should think about shit like that before you engage into it.

                    Girl I was seeing has no reason besides "relationship is too much handle at this point of time". Bullshit. Fuck that hoe, I'm so totally over her at this moment of time. Many things got clarified during my afternoon, thank God. I'm so happy to be single.
                    ..Still takin' my time to perfect the beat, and I still got love for the streets, it's the D-R-E...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by komacyde
                      It just doesn't make any sense to me; she treats you like shit, decides to take break, then you want her back more than ever before? I wish we could control our feelings, our ways of thinking, our heart, and just lock it all away leaving you with nothing to worry about relationship-wise.
                      This could be a problem.

                      In my situation. Honestly. I am so pissed off at guys right now. I know it could go either way. And I'm mad, sad, and confused. But seriously... why do we play stupid mind games? If you're not ready for a relationship, why don't you tell me? If you don't like me, why don't you tell me? If you're confused, why don't you tell me? If you seemed interested and then you go for a week without calling even though I've tried... WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE THINKING????? Be straightforward. It might hurt but it will be better in the long run. Don't be cruel. But... no.. thoughts killing me... you can't like her anymore! If she is a bitch, you have to let go. If he is a bitch, you have to let go.

                      Sorry, I know this doesn't make much sense, but honestly... today has been an absolutely horrid day for me and I am mad, sad, and confused. I just want a fucking answer. Is that too much to ask?
                      Be more concerned with your character than your reputation... Your character is who you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Can I have a hug? :-\
                        Be more concerned with your character than your reputation... Your character is who you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I think the bottom line is everyone wants what they can't have, especially when it comes to relationships and being rejected... Its definately not just limited to men...
                          but you mention people still wanting them even if they treated the person like shit... personally Im not like that... if a girl treated me bad my attitude about it is a lot different than if she just broke up with me. I definately wouldnt want a girl back, that was treating me like shit. Of course it would depend on how severe it was.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            ^ LoL @ your avatar.


                            Originally posted by gEnEsIs
                            If you don't like me, why don't you tell me? If you're confused, why don't you tell me? If you seemed interested and then you go for a week without calling even though I've tried... WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE THINKING????? Be straightforward. It might hurt but it will be better in the long run. Don't be cruel.
                            From a guy's standpoint, whoever this is, they just might not want to hurt you. I guess he assumes you'll get the point ... even though it would be better off just be to straight forward. I know it sucks ... I hate liars with a passion. Sorry for the rough day =T


                            Originally posted by komacyde
                            Her and myself are very different concerning that question, she lives day by day, has no future goals, doesn't care about school, has poor marks that are questioning whether she'll get in one day in college or not, she likes to go out at partys every weekend, smoke up and drink with her friends.. totally opposite of me.
                            I had the same issue with my ex ... most of them ... LoL, kinda tells you what kind of girls I'm into huh? Well not really... IDK.


                            Originally posted by komacyde
                            Maybe she caught up on it and figured "Hey, I don't want anyone to change me, I want to be myself."? That's the closest I get to figuring out what I did wrong. Everything else was cool. But now it's been 5 days since I spoke to her, and I have this feeling of uncariness love-wise. I'm going to Quebec trip with my school tomorrow morning and we're coming back Monday. If this doesn't help me to recover and keep my minds away from thinking about her, nothing will. We'll be friends afterwards, I don't want to lose her completely, as much as I hate to admit it, I don't.
                            I don't want to air our dirty laundry, but I had the same issue also. It was a complete downward spiral ... we met under such weird conditions, it wasn't right at first. It's fucked up but I lost a friend over this chick. Anyway, we eventually dated, everything was great. She went away to Florida for a week, and when she came back she was a totally different person [not to mention that's when she cheated]. Anyway, from that point on everything got worse. Less communication, less time together ... she broke up with me, saying we'll just be friends, she didn't want a relationship, all that bullshit ... so I was like iiTe, that's better than nothing, I want her in my life one way or another. So she goes and breaks her word, dates her ex ... just breaking promise after promise ... all while this goes on, our friendship was going down the shitter. I told her straight out, I hope that n!gga hurts you ... which was probably wrong but that's how I felt, and from then on she told me she didn't want to know me anymore. In the end, I'm left with thoughts like I've done so fucking much for this girl, what the fuck went wrong? I'm rambling, but my point is if you're going to have her in your life, make sure you're not in the position to get fucked over or hurt or something, you know?


                            Originally posted by komacyde
                            Like you've said Wuts_Rilly_Good, getting over someone you've had feelings for takes days, weeks, months, depending how long you've been together with that person, and that's why I'm glad it didn't go any deeper than it did. I would've gone crazy..
                            Shit sucks bro, you're lucky...


                            Originally posted by komacyde
                            Fuck that hoe, I'm so totally over her at this moment of time. Many things got clarified during my afternoon, thank God. I'm so happy to be single.
                            LoL, that's the spirit!
                            Last edited by Wuts_Rilly_Good; 03-04-2004, 12:09 AM.
                            .

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by komacyde
                              Girl I was seeing has no reason besides "relationship is too much handle at this point of time". Bullshit. Fuck that hoe, I'm so totally over her at this moment of time. Many things got clarified during my afternoon, thank God. I'm so happy to be single.
                              Ah.. theres the Zoran, I know... 3;-)3
                              "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." - Poe

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