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I need some help finishing this and it aint a rap

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  • nico313
    replied
    Re: Thanks nico313

    Originally posted by Miss_N-4md
    Thanks for the advice. Soo here is the rest of the story...

    Then "BANG" another one dead. Mom then goes to her bed. Put the gun to her head, But she's either too damn chicken or just too damn scared to pull the trigger. Scared that when she would draw her last breath her children would be there to haunt her and ask she "WHY". Instead she decides to down a 30 count of sleeping pills. Just before she draws her last breath Hubby come in and finds her starring at the ceiling. He gives her CPR and mouth 2 mouth while calling 911. The corner come to get the kids while mom gets her stomach pumped at the ER. Lawyers turn around and blame it on depression. All the hell she gets is 5 years in and mental hospital. Mom has no insurance so it is left up to us to pay.

    Who is the true victims?
    The Kids and us as a society.
    Thats good, but it doesnt flow well w/ what you wrote first. Its to blunt and simple for the first part. I did like the part however when you said that her kids would be there waiting and ask why. Perhaps you could use that for the last part, its more intriging(sp?).
    Jodi

    Leave a comment:


  • Miss_N-4md
    replied
    Thanks nico313

    Thanks for the advice. Soo here is the rest of the story...

    Then "BANG" another one dead. Mom then goes to her bed. Put the gun to her head, But she's either too damn chicken or just too damn scared to pull the trigger. Scared that when she would draw her last breath her children would be there to haunt her and ask she "WHY". Instead she decides to down a 30 count of sleeping pills. Just before she draws her last breath Hubby come in and finds her starring at the ceiling. He gives her CPR and mouth 2 mouth while calling 911. The corner come to get the kids while mom gets her stomach pumped at the ER. Lawyers turn around and blame it on depression. All the hell she gets is 5 years in and mental hospital. Mom has no insurance so it is left up to us to pay.

    Who is the true victims?
    The Kids and us as a society.

    Leave a comment:


  • D12xShady13
    replied
    Ummm.....Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmm.............................................. ..............Ummmmmmm.....I think........Ummmmmmmm...Okay......That Shit Wuz Messed Up......Deep But Messed Up

    Leave a comment:


  • Ira
    replied
    Re: I need some help finishing this and it aint a rap

    Originally posted by Miss_N-4md
    I need some help finishing this:
    BAD MOMMY

    What is up with Moms lately. They are deciding not only to themselves, but the kids too. What? Does the mom think that just because her life sucks that the kids will too.so she decides to save it all the misery that comes with growing up. Can it be that the Mother "if you can call her one" is just to damn scared to face death alone.
    Just imagine what is going through the child's mind when Mom puts him in the car, or gives her a glass of juice lased with "rat poison", or takes out Daddy's 45.
    Lil Sonny is probably thinking "Mommy's taking me to the mall. Wait it not open at night."Sorry Sunny the next time you'll be in the light. Is when they fish Moms car out of Lake Erie.
    Lil Suzy is thinking,"Wow juice and cookies, but why is mommy giving it to me in her bed. Boy I'm thirsty. My favorite grape, but this don't taste like grape. Mommy I'm getting soo sleepy." Later that day dad comes home from work and finds them died.
    Then there's Mark. He see his mom get dad's gun. The one dad told him not to play with. She then goes into Carrie's room then "BANG". Mom comes out and picks him up and put him in his bed , gives him his passy and he closes his eyes.He can feel mommy put something to the back of his head.

    Now here is where i cant finish it. Please give me some ideas. If you have any ideas Email them to me. [email protected] If you just want to tell me what you thought about it post it.
    damn u crazy

    Leave a comment:


  • nico313
    replied
    well, its ahh, interesting. Do you write alot? I write too. I think that because this is yours and your concept on something that yu should prolly set it down and try thinking in the shower, thats where I brainstorm and think of billions of things to right. Its yours and I could give you ideas, but I think that you may need to put it down for a few ( or watch clockwork orange and take a nap, the dreams you will have are crazy and inspiring). That is my idea for you. I like it.
    -jodi

    Do you thing honey!

    Leave a comment:


  • Miss_N-4md
    started a topic I need some help finishing this and it aint a rap

    I need some help finishing this and it aint a rap

    I need some help finishing this:
    BAD MOMMY

    What is up with Moms lately. They are deciding not only to themselves, but the kids too. What? Does the mom think that just because her life sucks that the kids will too.so she decides to save it all the misery that comes with growing up. Can it be that the Mother "if you can call her one" is just to damn scared to face death alone.
    Just imagine what is going through the child's mind when Mom puts him in the car, or gives her a glass of juice lased with "rat poison", or takes out Daddy's 45.
    Lil Sonny is probably thinking "Mommy's taking me to the mall. Wait it not open at night."Sorry Sunny the next time you'll be in the light. Is when they fish Moms car out of Lake Erie.
    Lil Suzy is thinking,"Wow juice and cookies, but why is mommy giving it to me in her bed. Boy I'm thirsty. My favorite grape, but this don't taste like grape. Mommy I'm getting soo sleepy." Later that day dad comes home from work and finds them died.
    Then there's Mark. He see his mom get dad's gun. The one dad told him not to play with. She then goes into Carrie's room then "BANG". Mom comes out and picks him up and put him in his bed , gives him his passy and he closes his eyes.He can feel mommy put something to the back of his head.

    Now here is where i cant finish it. Please give me some ideas. If you have any ideas Email them to me. [email protected] If you just want to tell me what you thought about it post it.

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