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5 dates no guy wants to go on

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  • 5 dates no guy wants to go on

    5 dates no guy wants to go on

    By Mark Miller
    During courtship and dating, women — being the more creative gender — will often come up with the majority of suggestions for where they’d like to go and what they’d like to do with their romantic partner. You’d think this would be a positive thing. After all, their motivation appears genuine.

    “Oh, come on, it’ll be fun!” they say to us. And yet according to my latest “Aw, Jeez, Do I Have To?” survey of myself and my friends, 96% of these suggestions are viewed by men as embarrassing, boring, or uncomfortable. Ladies, the following is inside information—a select listing of some of your most common activity suggestions, what men don’t like about them, and what we’d like to do instead.

    Hiking
    Hiking is an activity many men look forward to with the same relish they take in reading Aristotle in the original Greek, receiving a prostate exam, or attending a Celine Dion concert. The way we see it, nature is way overrated. How many flowers can you smell? How many sunsets can you ooh and ahh over? How many coyotes can you worry about being in the vicinity? Plus, there’s no access to the Internet or email. No TV sports. Bugs everywhere. What about any of this spells fun? Unless you look at fun as the first three letters of funeral.

    You want your shot of nature? Invite us to the beach at sunset. Take a blanket and a six-pack, make out for half an hour, then head home so we can get back to civilization. That’s enough nature to hold us for the next three months.


    Opera
    If given the choice of how to spend a Friday or Saturday night, what guy wouldn’t vote for putting on some uncomfortable formal clothing after spending a couple of hundred dollars for tickets, then another hefty chunk for parking, all to hear overly-costumed and overly-made-up folks belting out tunes that don’t have a beat and don’t rhyme, in a language only U.N. translators can understand? Exactly. And yet we still get the evil look from girlfriends when we try to stay awake during Madame Butterfly by playing a video game on our cell phones.

    If we must do something cultural and uplifting, at least make it ballet, where the women are in shape, wearing form-revealing clothing and moving their bodies in ways that cause us to imagine them with us in a variety of other non-dance situations. It ain’t Dancing With the Stars, but it sure beats counting down the seconds ’til it’s over when the fat lady sings.

    Travel
    If my extensive online-dating experience has taught me nothing else, it’s that, at least according to their dating profiles, the one thing every woman most enjoys is travelling. Yes, they all want to get out of the country and see the world, explore other cultures, become enriched and broaden their horizons. These are all noble and worthy pursuits. Men, however, view travel slightly differently. We even spell it differently. We spell it this way: t$r$a$v$e$l. We also view it as time away from our jobs. This will virtually guarantee that not only will a huge stack of work be waiting for us upon our return (and that our bosses will find out the business runs just fine without our being there), but we’ll no doubt come down with some exotic disease and need to be treated in a culture where doctors are still playing catch-up with the wonders of Medieval medicine.

    Got the travel bug, ladies? That’s why God created National Geographic. We’ll gladly treat you to a subscription.

    Clothes shopping
    This is how men view clothes shopping: You get to follow your sweetie from store to store with the added bonus of holding her purse as she tries on one dress, blouse, or pair of shoes after another, while you struggle to convince her that each garment does not, in fact, make her butt look big. (Even the shoes!) Occasionally you meet the eyes of another girl’s boyfriend there against his will, and the look you give each other is as though you’re both begging, “PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY NOW!”

    You want to try on clothes? Great, we’re OK with that. Just not in the mall. And we don’t care if you try to sweeten the offer with cappuccino and doing some clothes shopping for us. Instead, here’s what we would be interested in: We’ll light candles, put on some mood music, pour some wine, and you can give us a private fashion show. Oh, sure, it won’t be nearly the same without the neon lights, price tags, and judgmental stares from other women who think we’re perverts as we wait for you to emerge from the dressing room. But it’ll be close enough for us.

    Relationship workshops
    Naturally, we men are going to want to avoid the mistakes we made in our past relationships, and we’re not averse to keeping our current romantic relationship as perfectly tuned up as our cars. But that doesn’t mean we welcome the prospect of attending the “Enhancing Couples’ Intimacy Workshop” or “The Two of You: Closer than Ever! Seminar” to which you’re so determined to drag us. It’s bad enough our intimacy needs enhancing; must we now attempt to jump-start it in a face-to-face with other romantic losers? We’d rather get up at 5 a.m. Sunday morning to join you on a bird-watching walk. We’d rather get in touch with our feelings and cry about what we never got to tell our fathers. We’d rather attend a taping of Ellen.

    You want to enhance our intimacy? We’re all for it. Hold our hands, kiss us passionately, give us a massage, get naked with us—you’ll be stunned at the intensity of intimacy enhancement. In fact, let’s start right now. After all, we went hiking with you; it’s your turn to do something we enjoy. Hey, where are you going? Oh, come on, it’ll be fun!

    ______________________________________________


    ok so MY personal thoughts on this....

    hiking
    i think hiking is fun, and i think guys that are worried about bugs, etc should man up---- i mean i know i become a total girl and get skeeved out by all the bugs ive seen when i go hiking..but if i see a guy at the same way = major turn off

    opera
    fine, i agree. i've tried watching it to see if i'd ever be sophisticated enough to enjoy it on the regular-- but i definitely wanted to slit my wrists that ONE time i tried (maybe b/c it was an american opera?)

    shopping
    suck it up, u guys have no choice

    relationship workshops
    dont fuck up and this will never come up--- but i agree... this is definitely not date material.. i wonder about the dude who wrote this article...

    travel
    suck it up and enjoy it... you only live once
    sh sh sh sh suga honey iced tea

  • #2
    shopping!
    aka cryptorchild

    Comment


    • #3
      #6. A date with Leeg.

      Jk

      Comment


      • #4
        opera!

        aka "Loyalty"

        Comment


        • #5
          i love hiking, traveling, and you
          LOST
          THEN I NEVER WANT TO DIE
          I... I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER










          8.12.04

          Comment


          • #6
            Shopping <3
            HEADSHOTS; NIGGA FUCK YO VEST

            www.***********.info

            Comment


            • #7
              hey ruff, where do you get ur clothes from? link...
              LOST
              THEN I NEVER WANT TO DIE
              I... I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER










              8.12.04

              Comment


              • #8
                ^ no homo

                Comment


                • #9
                  I don't particularly want to do any of those things as 'dates' either.
                  What I'm Listening To

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The first 3 I don't mind at all doing. The list failed.
                    My other aliases:
                    The West is Back
                    Masai
                    justp1ayin
                    The Man

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      If you take your man shopping, give him head in the dressin room.
                      "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." - Poe

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by JMart View Post
                        hey ruff, where do you get ur clothes from? link...
                        http://www.karmaloop.com
                        http://www.americanapparel.net/
                        http://www.oneanthem.com/store/pc/home.asp


                        And various other stores within malls.
                        HEADSHOTS; NIGGA FUCK YO VEST

                        www.***********.info

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Amarett View Post
                          If you take your man shopping, give him head in the dressin room.
                          have you done that ? lol

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Amarett View Post
                            If you take your man shopping, give him head in the dressin room.
                            Ama is a leader among women. I applaud her.
                            the last vet.before everyone got vetted
                            Originally posted by MarshallArts
                            Who's got you quoted in their sigs? Are they as equally worthy as those that have sigged me? I just can't imagine it.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              hell yeah
                              "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." - Poe

                              Comment

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