HIP HOP LIFESTYLE

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I just gotta get this off my Chest....

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I just gotta get this off my Chest....

    Ok, well I never talk about personal stuff over the internet, especially not on rap basement but...I've really got to get some stuff off my chest. And I just really don't know where else to do it. Fuck paying $50 for a counseling session....you feel me??

    Anyways, a little backstory....

    Growing up, my mom was an alcoholic and my pops left our family when I was 2. I think I have seen him...maybe a half dozen times since then. Last time was at my grandmothers funeral back in 2004. My mom did what she could I guess...but the bitch drank every night. She smoked too and every night I had to worry about if she was going to pass out with a cig in her hand and catch the damn house on fire. She also brought home a lot of different men throughout the years...sometimes there would be a different dude here every week for awhile. I got lucky in that none of them ever hit me or raped me or anything crazy like that...but to say that growing up my mom and dad were both out of the picture would be an understatement. Believe it or not though, my childhood wasn't all that bad. Aside from the stuff with the parents, we were poor as fuck but...in all honestly I was pretty happy as a kid because of my older brother. He was 4 years older than me...he always looked after me. He was like a dad, mom and big brother rolled into one. I mean the dude bought me school clothes every year and stuff...stuff a parent should do.

    I can't even start to tell you how close me and Jake were...I mean we were closer than two dudes have ever been in the history of the world. I would die for him no questions asked and not think twice about it. When I graduated high school back in '04, I took a job cooking at a local restaurant. I moved out of my moms house because she was stressing me out too much...moved in with Jake. He just got married the year before and had a little daughter, Summer Rose (I think she was about a year and a half here.) He didn't make me pay no rent...none of that B.S....he was just looking after his little brother.

    I also should tell you I am very passionate about few things in life, but the things I am I love to death. I love the Cleveland Indians (cheif wahoo tatted on my neck), I love music and I became a gym rat in 2002. I started competing in early 2005 and was doing pretty well. Won a bunch of trophy's and all that jazz...was feeling pretty good about myself. Actually, that is an understatement....I was on top of the fucking world. I had an amazing body (if I can say so myself) 6% body fat, pretty much washboard abs, I wasn't jacked up like you would think I was juicin' but I was really defined. I had a really nice tone. I was living with my brother, getting paid $14.00 an hour, and hell the Indians were making a run to the playoffs. I was on top of the world and there was nothing anyone could do about it......

    Then shit just all went down hill. On December 7, 2005 I broke my tibula and fibula (bones in your foot/ankle. And I believe one goes into your calve muscle as well.) Freakin' trampoline accident, believe it or not. And when I say broke...it was more like shattered. Fuckin' x-ray looked like broken glass. I had surgery on December 19th. You've got to understand...I was an active motherfucker. I trained six days a week, I played racquetball, basketball...all that good shit. Now all of the sudden I can't walk. I couldn't do shit. The recovery time was 6-9 months.

    Now, at this point I am 18 years old...never really tried anything. Never drank because it would interfere with my training, and didn't smoke weed that regularly because every time I did I would eat an entire bag of gummi bears (the big ones...not those little shits.) After my surgery, I felt fine...minimal pain...so I didn't take my pain killers at first. Later that night though, when it felt like somebody was sawing my leg off, I popped 2 percs and it made everything go away. I was in awe how effective they were.

    In February 2006, my brother passed away in a car accident. I ended up moving back in with my mom because it was so weird being in his house with his wife and daughter...I just couldn't deal with it. And eventually they ended up moving into one of those cheap income apartments.

    Eventually, physically I recovered from my injuries. It took about a year or so but I ended up being able to walk normal again with no problems. Physically, there was minimal pain to deal with...but emotionally I was a fuckin wreck and I still took percocets almost every day just to try and block out what had happened with my brother. Also, at this point, after not being able to move and doing nothing but laying on the couch watching t.v. and eating food...I went from a pretty successful amateur bodybuilder with 6% bodyfat to being a fat fuck. I was 5'6, around 165 or so, which would put me probably 20 pounds overweight. Talk about your life taking a fuckin' 360 on you.

    I started working again...but only to feed my addiction to pain killers. I figured if it could take away all the physical pain I endured, it would help with the mental bullshit. And it did, for the short term anyway. When i popped those pills, I had a few hours where I didn't think about my brother or that fact that I was now a fat ass. Oh yea, I left out that I used to get mad pussy back in the day. At this point in my life...with no confidence and being 20 pounds overweight...it was few and far between to say the least.

    I started getting bad into the pills. I would take anything in pill form. And as far as percocets and vicotin go, my body was pretty immune to it. In the beginning two would fuck me up...by this point, a year after my surgery, I needed a good 6 or 8 to block out my emotions. I also started trying other stuff to see if it would help me block out my feelings. Eventually I started snorting coke a few times a month.

    I started having problems with my ankle pretty bad last year. I went to the doctor last March, and an x-ray revealed I had a screw come out of the plate that was in my foot. The doctor thought I was healed up enough to where the entire plate could come out and I would be ok. It was a small surgery, the recovery time was about a month. I had a sucsessful surgery done in April.

    After I started walking without crutches again, I bought tickets to go to Cleveland and see an Indians game. I had never been to Cleveland and I was just looking to have a good time. Obviously if you haven't noticed I was fuckin miserable at this time. I got the tickets in the mail, and two days before I was going to leave and go down there me and my drunk ass mom got into a fight. She ended up ripping up the tickets. She didn't understand, this is like ripping up tickets for a kid to go to Disney World. I had had enough. This was the breaking point for me.

    I had a bottle of 20 percs from the surgery I had the month before. I had taken two of them, so there was 18 left. I had a bag mixed up with vicotin and percs. I don't the exact count, but I think there were about 6 percs and 15-18 vikes. I also had some other, really really really week shit called Naproxen. I would make a bunch of doctors visits complaining about the pain I'm in and they gave me this anti-inflammatory shit. Probably had 15-20 of them in a bottle. Anyways, I took it all. I popped a movie in my DVD player, got a bottle of water out of the fridge and took all the pills. Took me almost an hour to finish them. I'm sure I don't have to say what I was trying to do.

    For awhile, nothing happened. I just felt high as fuck. I watched the entire movie, then I had the biggest headache ever. My vision started giving out, shit became pretty blurry. At one point I was hungry, and I cooked some spaghetti O's. Finished about half of it...and I felt so tired. Like more tired than I've ever been. Said fuck it...lets go to bed. At this point, the rest of the night and the next morning is a blur. I remember waking up a bunch feeling sick as hell and barfing all over the place. I also remember waking up in a hospital and seeing my family doctor, my mom, another doctor and like 4 cops. I remember people waking me up (cops, doctor) and asking me questions, me not answering them and going back sleep.

    When I gained my conscientious the next afternoon/night whenever it was, I asked the nurse what the fuck had happened. They saved my life in the hospital that night. Somehow, I didn't die. The nurse said if my mom would of came to the ER with me 2 minutes later than she did, I would be dead now. I was in the hospital a couple days. The 2nd night, Summer (just turned 4 here) and her mom came to see me. Nobody told Summer what I did, just told her I was sick and in the hospital or w/e. She made me a card...she sat on my lap and talked to me about all kinds of shit that little kids talk about...it made me realize I had something to live for.

    I had to do 24 hours in a mental institution as well. It ended up being almost 3 days because I wouldn't admit I had a problem or anything...but anyways I finally got back home. I remember seeing Summer a couple days after I got out and I can remember plain as day like she just said it 5 minutes ago. "I hope you're ok now, I don't want you to die like my daddy..." I started busting the fuck out crying. But I also made a choice that night, June of last year, to make my motherfucking life matter. To live for not only her, but Jake as well.

    I can say now, almost 14 months later, I am happy again...finally. I thought this day would never come. I haven't touched a drug since that one night. I have been training very strictly, even more so than before, for about 9 months now. I've almost got my form back. I don't think I will ever see 6% body fat again, but I am underweight and am nice and cut again. The abs aren't fully there yet, but it won't be long. I am also competing again for the first time since 2005 on August 9th.

    But what to me is even more important than all of that, more important to saying goodbye to drugs, more important than women, and even my own brother is something else. Two months ago I got saved. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know...thats gay and all of that...I'm soft...whatever. I don't care. I love the lord. One Saturday night, I was babysitting Summer. When her mom got back home, she wanted me to spend the night and go to Church with her the next day. I didn't give two shits about church but I did because she wanted me to, and it would give me more time to spend with her. But something happened that day, my eyes were opened. I found the lord. Yeah its cheesy as hell or whatever, I know...I am telling the truth...I have never been this happy in my life.

    Damn, it feels good to get that off my chest. I can't believe how far I have come and how much the lord has done in my life. I'm just so happy right now, and I wanted somebody to know it...you guys/girls feel me??? Anyways...thanks for reading...and sorry it was so long...but I feel a lot better now!

  • #2
    Might as well go to the psychiatrist because you'd have to pay 50 bucks for somebody to read all that anyway.

    Comment


    • #3
      interesting read up until the bit where you found the lord
      Originally posted by FunkySuicideGirl
      Ima sucker when some suck my lip or bite in it
      Originally posted by Syko Squidge
      ^
      fuck off you gay piece of cunt
      Originally posted by Otto
      That shit is fuck,

      Comment


      • #4
        i read the 2nd half of this.. what exactally do you want people to say? congrats on not being dead

        have u gotten busy with ur bros girl yet, if no you would feel even better afterword

        anyways...drugs are bad
        Originally posted by Tanner
        at least youre not hungover and have to sneak out a fat 30 yr old white bitch who you were banging in your parents house last night.

        Comment


        • #5

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by KIlLLA View Post
            Might as well go to the psychiatrist because you'd have to pay 50 bucks for somebody to read all that anyway.
            lmao

            Comment

            Post ad widget 300x250

            Collapse

            LATEST POSTS

            Collapse

            Topics Statistics Last Post
            Started by maxgrowplusuk, 03-03-2021, 11:43 PM
            16 responses
            61 views
            0 likes
            Last Post lazelejuriya  
            Started by vowk, Yesterday, 02:25 PM
            1 response
            6 views
            0 likes
            Last Post ABOBA
            by ABOBA
             
            Started by FrankCobalt, 10-25-2020, 03:56 PM
            3 responses
            14 views
            0 likes
            Last Post kmonahan  
            Started by basketballeven, Yesterday, 04:19 AM
            0 responses
            2 views
            0 likes
            Last Post basketballeven  
            Started by basketballeven, Yesterday, 04:16 AM
            0 responses
            2 views
            0 likes
            Last Post basketballeven  
            Started by nalalabscbdusa, Yesterday, 04:12 AM
            0 responses
            2 views
            0 likes
            Last Post nalalabscbdusa  
            Started by nalalabscbdusa, Yesterday, 04:10 AM
            0 responses
            2 views
            0 likes
            Last Post nalalabscbdusa  
            Started by basketballeven, Yesterday, 03:13 AM
            0 responses
            2 views
            0 likes
            Last Post basketballeven  
            Started by Wes_Belvy, 12-10-2008, 09:43 AM
            10 responses
            207 views
            0 likes
            Last Post basketballeven  
            Started by buyalphathunder, 06-19-2021, 02:41 AM
            1 response
            6 views
            0 likes
            Last Post Allanmathew  
            Working...
            X