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More Roc-a-scenes 4 yall! Funny as shit!!!

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  • More Roc-a-scenes 4 yall! Funny as shit!!!

    I had to find some more shit about this. i hooked yall up: enjoy.....

    Dame: Ay, you feel like hittin up this club tonight?
    Jay: Eh, I just went to the club last night... I got 2 interviews tomorrow.
    Dame: You gettin old, man.
    Jay: Nah, I just gotta make sure my interviews are hotta!
    Dame: Aight, we'll stay in. I'll tell Bleek not to wash the 6.
    Jay: .... nah, make him wash it anyway. He needs to earn his keep.
    Dame: HOLLA!
    Jay: *throws up the Roc*

    ---2 hours later---

    Suge: That n.igga Jay ain't show cause I'm here!! He shook!!
    Kurupt: May I go to the bathroom, sir?
    Suge: N.igga, what did I tell you would happen if you let go of your Death Row chain one more time?
    Kurupt: C'mon, I look stupid walking around holding a---
    Suge: *looks at Kurupt*
    Kurupt: *holds up chain* Death Row for Life.

    part II

    Bleek: We gotta have this ride clean by 9 o'clock. Hand me the bucket, Lil' Chris.
    Sparks: For the last time, I'm Sparks! That's Lil' Chris over there.
    Oskino: Nah n.igga, I'm Oskino. Lil' Chris is sleep.
    Sparks: Oh, my bad.
    Bleek: Damn, you n.iggas can't even tell yourselves apart. How you expect me to?
    Oskino: N.igga, we State Property. We sold more than both your albums combined.
    Bleek: Bitch I told you, my street team fucked over me.
    Sparks: Yeah, they shoulda put Jay-Z's face on the cover of your samplers.
    Bleek: WHAT?
    Sparks: N.igga, how you gonna let Beans, Free, and Cam move ahead of you on a label you been down with since day one?
    Bleek: BITCH, I'LL F--

    Dame: hey, what's all this noise out here? Less talkin, more cleaning.
    Bleek, Sparks, and Oskino: Okay Dame.
    Dame: Bleek, I told you to call me Mr. Dash.
    Bleek: But they just called you--
    Dame: State Property are assistant executives now. They can call me Dame.
    Bleek: WHAT??? N.igga I--
    Sparks: *snickers*
    Bleek: SHUT UP OSKINO!

    part III

    Bleek: *Looks real nervous*
    Jay: All I wanna know is who
    Sparks: Bleek did it, Jay!
    Bleek: BITCH! I didn't even wash that side!
    Jay: Bleek, what'd I tell you about my doors?
    Bleek: I know... wax on, wax off *does Karate Kid motion* I was doin that
    Jay: Then how'd this scratch get on my door, Bleek?
    Bleek: C'mon Jay--
    Jay: Mr. Carter.
    Bleek: I'm sorry... Mr. Carter... as I said, I didn't wash that side of the car.
    Oskino: He lyin Jay! He did that whole side.. he wasn't watchin what he was doin. I saw him when he scratched it!
    Bleek: N.igga, if you was watchin what you was doin, how the fuck did you see when I scratched it?
    Jay: So you did scratch it
    Bleek: I mean.. no-- I mean, he didn't see me not scratch it... cause I didn't.
    Sparks: BUSTED!!
    Bleek: N.igga, your grill is busted. FUCK YOU!
    Jay: Bleek, you disappoint me.
    Bleek: Aw c'mon Ja- Mr. Carter.
    Jay: I ask you to do this one simple thing, and you can't even do that right. I tried to give you an indoor job, and you fucked my carpet all up.
    Bleek: Man, them corners is tricky!
    Jay: Enough... give me the keys to your ride.
    Bleek: But that's mine! I had that before I even met you.
    Jay: *reaches out hand*
    Bleek: but.. but... you won't even drive my car. What you need it for??
    Jay: The keys, n.igga.
    Dame: HOLLA!
    Bleek: *hands Jay-Z his car keys*
    Jay: (looking at Oskino) Hey, Sparks
    Oskino: Yes Jay?
    Jay: Sparks, take the keys. *throws them to Oskino*
    Oskino: I'm not old enough to drive yet.
    Jay: No, I want you to drag the keys along the side of Bleek's ride.
    Bleek: Aw c'mon man. That's my only ride man.
    Dame: hehehe
    "cuz if you go platinum, it's got nothing to do with luck
    it just means that a million people are stupid as fuck"
    -Immortal Technique

  • #2
    here are the old ones that were posted.

    Roc-A-Scenes: Gold is Old

    [Jay-Z and Dame Dash are in the den, smoking cigars... they're deciding who chooses the next line of Roc-A-Wear clothing over a game of rock-paper-scissors... Bleek walks in looking extremely distressed]

    Bleek: Ayo, I got a problem...
    Jay: HAHA Rock beats scissors niccuuuh!
    Dame: Man, I got titanium scissors... that NASA shit. It cuts through rock *****.
    Jay: How you gonna pick scissors anyway? You know I'ma go with rock. This the ROC niccuh! I always go with rock.
    Dame: Whatever
    Bleek: Hello??
    Jay: We been playin this since 95 and I go with rock every single time.
    Dame: I know... I-- I just keep thinkin you gonna switch it up and go with paper every time.
    Bleek: HELLO?!?
    Jay: ***** I got enough paper, forreal.
    Dame: haha no doubt. HOLLA!
    Jay: HOLLA!
    Bleek: YO!!
    Dame: C'mon Jay, let's go another round...
    Jay: You know the rules... don't be a sore loser.
    Bleek: *mumbles* Oh like you was after Ether came out.
    Jay: *turns to Bleek* WHAT!??
    Bleek: I said... like that faggot Nas was after you killed him with Super Ugly.
    Jay: ***** what do you want?
    Bleek: I was just wondering... um... if it's not too much trouble--
    Jay: It is. *turns back to Dame*
    Dame: HAHA Jay you wrong!
    Bleek: Man when my album comin out?
    Jay: When you put it out *****.
    Bleek: What?
    Jay: You gonna do your cover, press up the CDs, ship 'em out to record stores?
    Bleek: ... ... Nah, that's--
    Jay: Then shut the fuck up and wait til we ready to.
    Bleek: You foul dawg. You know that ain't right. I been down since day one.
    Jay: Bleek, don't I let you drive the best cars... rock all the best ***elry?
    Bleek: They all your old stuff! I want my own shit, this gold not even in style no more man.
    Jay: Oh, it's not in style? Well give it back then *motions for Bleek to give him his ring*
    Bleek: *clutches onto his ring like Smeagol* Nah, it's cool. I just want what everybody--
    Freeway: *walks in and starts talking over Bleek* What up Jay, Dames..
    Jay and Dame: HOLLA!
    Freeway: Ayo, I gotta kill a witness. My beard was stickin out.
    Dame: AGAIN??
    Freeway: Yeeeeeaaaah
    Dame: Aight, just tells Biggs. He'll take care of it. Don't even sweat that.
    Freeway: Cool... *turns to Bleek*
    Bleek: what up man
    Freeway: *turns to Jay and Dame* HAHAHA
    Jay and Dame: HAHAHA
    Freeway: *walks away laughing*
    Bleek: See man, *****s don't even show me respect. When I had that witness problem, y'all *****s made me handle it myself.
    Jay and Dame: *turn away from Bleek and start discussing trivial shit*
    Bleek: Man I'm tired of this shit! I'ma start my own label... and then I'ma be the boss. I'ma be the controller of my own destiny. Then... then I won't have to answer to nobody.

    [After 15 minutes of ranting, Bleek finally looks up and realizes he's no longer in the den at all. The conveyor belt under the carpet has dragged him across the house and out the back door.]

    Feb. 17th

    Got this from SoundCircut, Funniest shit online right now.

    Roc-A-Scene Vol.8: Your Future Was Bleek

    All of the label's roster and staff are in a rich ***'s mansion, somewhere in a New England town you never heard of. This spot is often used for video shoots and tours to impress investors, but today everyone's gathered for a celebration.

    Jay: Everybody settle down, I have an announcement to make.
    *crowd looks up*
    Jay: College Dropout, Roc-A-Fella's first official release since The Black Album, is a huge success. Kanye, you did 450,000 your first week. You's a genius *****.
    Crowd: *applauds*
    Bleek: ....the FUCK?
    Jay: This is very important news for the Roc. A lot of people said we couldn't do it after I retired, but Kanye is proof that Roc-A-Fella is the army. First official album to drop after mine already on its way to platinum. We will not lose!
    Young Chris: Yessssss
    Bleek: first official release?
    Crowd: *applauds*
    Dame: Man, I'll be the first to admit... when I first heard Kanye rap, I thought he was trash.
    Bleek: still is
    Dame: But then he started showin that hunger that I get from all the other rappers on the Roc. Jay
    Jay: *nods*
    Dame: Cam
    Cam: Holla
    Dame: Young Gunz
    Young Chris: Yessssss
    Dame: Beans
    Dame: Where's Beanie?
    Freeway: He had to ROCK a ***** last night, URLY! He's in central now... Biggs went to go bail him.
    Young Chris: Chea
    Dame: Oh okay... *surprisingly not surprised* anyway, we've got a history of great artists on the Roc, leading all the way back to our first official signing, with Beans back in 98.
    Bleek: the fuck?!?
    Dame: And I just wanna say... anything's possible over here. Kanye, why don't you say a few words.
    *crowd cheers*
    Kayne: Aw man, I'm speechless... I don't even know what to say. Uh... I'M KILLIN Y'ALL *****S ON THAT LYRICAL SHIT, MAYONNAISE COLOR BENZ I PUSH MIRACLE WHIPS! *goofy ass grin*
    *crowd laughs*
    Bleek: Man, what the-- this ***** done said that shit 800 gazillion times. Fuck this ***** son.
    Kanye: I can't believe it...seemed like it was only yesterday-- (Kanye's speech fades down while Bleek's disappointment grows louder in his head)
    Bleek: I mean what the fuck son?! You said yourself you was ridin the train when you wrote that line. You a fake ass ***** and you know it yourself. Up here grinnin like a bitch... like, like shit is a game. It ain't a fuckin GAME.
    Kanye: and that's all I gotta say man. It's the Roc!
    *crowd cheers*
    Jay: Hey Just, you gonna start spittin next, ha?
    *crowd laughs*
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Young Chris: Yesssssss
    Dame: So congrats to Kanye... everyone enjoy the Armadale. It's on the house.

    *crowd goes back to celebrating, with one lonely exception*

    Bleek: *depressed, walks over to Just Blaze* Hey man, what you smokin on?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: Cool, gimme a hit of that. *puffs* You real into music and shit... In your opinion, what does Kanye have that I don't?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: So you sayin he just got that spark?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: I don't see it man. I know I rap better than this *****. I know I'm realer than this *****. I mean look at this mother fucker. (camera pans up Kanye while Bleek breaks it down) ...$400 designer shoes... some cheap, faded ass jeans.. ***** didn't buy 'em like that. I saw them shits when they were still blue son. And a striped polo that don't match shit in this whole room. This ***** walkin round lookin like a European fag model son.
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: What's that ***** that play the elf on Lord of the Rings?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: Yeah man, I saw this ***** rockin the same shit on the cover of some magazine, lookin like a bitch. And now this ***** in the same get up. He a disgrace to everything the Roc stood for when I got here. Now he poppin shit like he at the top of the food chain. You feel me?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: I think I'ma steal on this ***** son, right in his busted ass jaw. I'ma rip this faggot *****'s mouth off and he can make a song about that shit.
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: You right, you right. This ain't the time or the place. I gotta catch this ***** on the humble.
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: I hate this ***** son. That's my word. If this ***** ever say shit to me, I'ma have him spittin through a casket, you heard? Look, here come that bitch ass ***** right now.
    Kanye: *walks up to Bleek and Blaze* what up *****s?
    Bleek: Sup
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Kanye: I just wanna thank y'all for showin me love tonight.
    Bleek: Well you know, it's Roc-A-Fella for life. We family.
    Kanye: Exactly
    Bleek: Everybody get their lil 15 minutes of fame, no matter what. Enjoy it.
    Kanye: Yup... Bleek, you're one hit away! *pats Bleek's shoulder, and walks away laughing*
    Bleek: *grinds his teeth and literally turns red*
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze!
    Bleek: AYO! EVERYBODY! Listen up! I got a announcement to make!
    *everybody stops what they're doing*
    Bleek: *surprised everyone listened* .... uh....
    *blank stares*
    Bleek: Last night, I got in a car acc- a PLANE accident. A plane crash... and I almost died...so I'ma take 50-- 100 Gs of my own money and shoot a video!
    *crowd is already back to ignoring him*

    Posh Spice: *walks up to Bleek laughing* That was a great story. I don't know how Dame does it...
    Bleek: does what?
    Posh Spice: Find all this talent. Rappers, producers, now even the waiters are entertainers. *hands Bleek her empty glass and walks off*
    Bleek: BITCH! what the FUCK son?!? Aight, I ain't never wearin a suit again.

    Cam: *walks up to Bleek* What's goin on fam?
    Bleek: Nothin man, just wonderin what the fuck happened to the game.
    Cam: I feel you fam. All this faggot shit. It's disgusting.
    Bleek: Word... whatchu doin after this?
    Cam: Man, I'ma go get my dick sucked by this ***** out back.
    Bleek: ........
    Cam: Then I probably hit some more of this purple and catch me some Dave Chappelle.
    whole crowd: I'M RICK JAMES BITCH!
    Bleek: Hol up... you gettin your dick sucked by who?
    Cam: This *****, I forget his name. You want me to ask if he'll hit you off too?
    Bleek: ***** how the fuck you get your dick sucked by a dude?
    Cam: Nah fam, don't get it twisted. Ain't no fruity shit goin on over here... not everybody can get away with that shit. But when you the hardest ***** on the block, it's nothin fam. Just like in jail. That don't make you gay, you feel me?
    Bleek: Yo... I'ma catch up with you later tho. *walks away*
    Cam: Aight man. Ayo--
    Bleek: *stops*
    Cam: Killa Cam, Purple Haze comin Ca'March 2004.
    Bleek: ....we on the same label, why you tellin me that?
    Cam: I tell everybody that.
    "cuz if you go platinum, it's got nothing to do with luck
    it just means that a million people are stupid as fuck"
    -Immortal Technique


    • #3
      was ok sum funny parts
      aka Fifty0550


      • #4
        LOL! Bleek: I know... wax on, wax off *does Karate Kid motion* I was doin that
        ^he's from austria, without stereotyping most central/eastern europeans are sexfiends where nothing is taboo.


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